Matthew II

Ummbbbeeerrrrtoooo the Baptists

Ummbbbeeerrrrtoooo was a distant cousin of the Phesus, he was a respected (respected and Ummbbbeeerrrrtoooo in the same sentence just fells so wrong) card player in his own right. He is rumoured to have given Phesus his baptism in poker having bought him his first pair of Oakley sunglasses at age three.

King Moss invited Ummbbbeeerrrrtoooo to his daughter’s 5th birthday party. He arrived and proceeded to get on everybody’s tits by waving the giant inflatable shark he had bought for the little girl under everyone’s face and saying “Say hello to my little Charrrrkkk”. He then managed to really piss of King Moss’s wife by saying the gown she was wearing mad he arse look, “Huuuuuugggggggeeeeee”.

When the band started King Moss’s daughter danced beautifully and the King was enraptured, he told unto to his daughter “You can have anything you wish!” The little girl did not know what to ask so she approached her mother for counsel, he mother said “Ask your father for the head of that twat Ummbbbeeerrrrtoooo on a silver platter”. And King Moss did arrange this a Lo there was rejoicing throughout the world of poker.