Judges

Philson and Tillilah

Mr’s Laak was a happy woman but her life was not complete, what she wished for more than anything in the world was a son with an instantly recognisable TV Persona and whom could also play a little bit of poker as well.One day the angel of Poker Jenifer Harman did pay unto her a visit. She said, “God will give you a son with the most blondest of hair in the world, make sure your son never uses Grecian 2000 or Just for Men to discolour his hair as your Son’s most important purpose will be to save the poker players from the tyranny of the right wing philistines and there retarded anti-poker laws, beware though his hair doeth lose its blondeness this will lead also to the loss of his TV persona, he will also be a dab hand at import and export business but we can turn a blind eye to that OK”.

And unto Mr’s Laak was a special Son born and he was named Philson, as he grew up it was clear he was blessed with an infectious TV persona, as a child he would entertain his friends whilst playing happy families by wrapping his blankie around his head and running up and down the nursery. As a teenager he would sit locked away in his hoodie for days at a time emerging only to play poker and he was building a reputation on the APT (Arab Poker tour) as an entertainer. The philistines grew wary of the Philson’s growing TV persona and where worried his televised antics would encourage the youth of Americaland to become involved in the poker scene. They decided to remove him from the game altogether and plotted against him with hate and fear in there hearts.

As Philson grew up his Blonde locks started to attract the attentions of the ladies, but there was one girl in particular he was taken with and her name was Tillilah. The Philistines noticed Philson was visiting Tillilah everyday and sent one of there emissaries Bill Frister (That’s not his real name, apparently Fristing is his hobby) to make a deal with her, Frister offered Tilllilah an Oscar if she could discover the secret of Philson’s popularity and pass this onto the Philistines.

Tillilah was about to say no to Frister when she realised what lay ahead of her if she never wins an Oscar, as a middle aged actress she would gradually get less and less work until she winds up playing Bea Arthur in an unsuccessful remake of Golden Girls. With out thinking much about the consequences she quickly agreed to Fristers request. So that night Tillilah went home and started to think about how she could get the secret out of Philson, she decided to make his favourite dinner and get him pissed on Red wine, as this usually did the trick when she wanted something. So that night she made him a sumptuous feast and asked him how his day was, after 20 minutes nonsensical babbling “Philson, can you tell me the secret of your great popularity? Because most sensible seem to think your a complete tosser yet TV loves you?” and Philson did answer, “Well that’s easy, Im enigmatic and fun and am a great poker player to boot” Tillilah pressed on, “Come on Phil, honestly what is it?” and Philson doeth answer eventually after a lot of cajoling and threats of a hold out if you catch my drift, “My strength is that I must always wear the hoddie, if I was to wear any other garment my popularity would disappear and I would have the poker abilities the same as a man who had never played a hand of poker in his life, or maybe even worse, the same as Layne Flack”.

So that night after supper Tillilah doeth tells Frister the secret and Firster doeth tell the secret on to the High Priest of the Philistines, GW Bush. GW Bush tells Tillilah that she must make Philson wear something other than a hoddie to the next WPT event to see if his powers are really diminished. That night whilst Philson slept soundly Tillilah did throw in a red sock on boil wash with his favourite Grey Hoodies and lo the colour did runneth over and the garment became as pink as a very pink thing. The Philistine’s did venture to the next WPT event and Philson did make the final table without his trade mark grey hoodie and yet he still entertained the TV audience with his ‘Whacky’ antics. Frister was furious that Tillilah had been so easily tricked, “Tilly, GW will be furious, Philson has tricked you, his power does not lie in the wearing of the Grey Hoodie!”So Tillilah confronted Philson about the effects of the Grey hoodie and she was very angry that he had not trusted her with his secret. She was so angry she took her best assets out of play an Lo it did come to pass that Philson was very sad he did not have those puppies to play with.

Tillilah continued to pester Philson for his secret, every single day she just wouldn't stop asking. She asked in the morning during breakfast, when they were out for a walk, at lunch, at supper, before bed, she asked all day long and Philson just couldn't take it anymore. Tillilah finally said to Kevson, "How can you tell me you love me, when you don't trust me with your thoughts and secrets?" and he eventually snapped and it was because he loved her and had nothing to do with the fact it had been two weeks since he had got to play with the ‘twins’.Philson said “FFS woman enough, I will tell you the secret if you just let me have a quick fiddle with the milkers! My hair has never been dyed, I had to take certain vows when I was born and have been given this gift by Doyle. If my head was not Blonde I would become as entertaining as any other poker player, not very." Tillilah could tell this was the truth and asked the Philistines to give her another chance.

They agreed and arranged for a poker stars invitational heat to take place at the temple of poker Cesars Palace Casino and resort in Las Vegas, the night before the big game Tillilah was given a novelty baseball cap by Frister and was instructed to coat the inside with Just for Men. The next morning she used her feminine whiles to get Philson to wear the cap although it doeth be an ugly item and covers his blonde locks Philson doeth agree.When Philson took of the cap and saw a mound of Auburn hair starring back at him he fell to his knees and cried “Tililah, how could you betray me so, I’m powerless to entertain the audience now, I will have all the charm and sparkle of David Grey!”And the Philistines did mock Philson and tied him between the giant faux Roman pillars outside the temple of poker.

But God did make the rain poor from the heavens and it washed the Just for Men Dye out of Philson’s hair and his enigmatic TV persona did return unto him, Philson slipped his shackles and did return unto the table to build from his measly stack two giant pillars of chips 15 foot high. When he reached the final table he knocked over the giant chips stacks and they did spill the drinks of the other players and watching superstar players doused in Cola did entertain the masses and Lo the Philistines where pissed when the ratings for ths show where OK