The Book of Daniel

SBRUGBY in the Lions Den

Brian was a great poker player, with wisdom and hand reading abilities well beyond his years. He had many big wins onlimne at the high stakes cash tables and although many admired his talent there where those that where jealous and felt Brian success made them look shite in the eyes of the Lord of Midlands Poker ‘Lord Mickey of Wernick’.

The jealous players where upset when they learned that Lord Wernick was proposing to his sponsor’s Blue Sq that Brian be granted a full sponsor deal for the GUKPT tour and felt this would leave them even further behind. “Something has to be done about this Brian and his game” they said behind closed door and in darkened corners.

They planned to find a weakness in his game and show how easy it was to exploit to Lord Wernick, they attacked his pre-flop game and found no flaws, they attacked his post flop play and turn/river betting and still no flaws.No matter how hard they looked they could not find anything wrong with Brian's game because he worked hard and kept accurate records and used poker tracker diligently every time he played online.

Then the jealous players said “Well maybe me can use his professional approach against him” so they came up with a devious plan.They came before Lord Wernick and said “We all think you’re the greatest poker mind in all the Midlands, and we think you should issue a command that for thirty days that no poker player should seek any guidance about there game or anything from any god, poker software or man except you oh wise and powerful Lord Wernick, and if anyone should seek guidance from anyone or anything but you they should be thrown in the Lions Den”. Lord Wernick said “Thrown in the a Lions Den! Well that’s a bit copulating much aint it? It’s only a game of cards after all!” But the jealous players did convince the kind Lord Wernick they others would think he was a ghey if he did not admonish a harsh punishment on any transgressors and it was signed in to law.

Brian heard of Lord Wernicks Decree but still the next time he came to play online he could not bring himself to turn of Poker Tracker and play without properly recorded results. This was just what the jealous players had hoped for and they rushed to Lord Wernick “Lord Wernick, may you live forever (Or at least longer than an over weight Brummie who spends all night, every night in casinos should do) Did you not sign a decree that for thirty days that no poker player should seek any guidance about there game or anything from any god, poker software or man except you, if so they should be thrown into the lions’ den?”“Well yes you know I copulating well did, in fact it was you lots idea really” well the jealous players answered in unison “We saw Brian using poker tracker on Blue Sq this very morning! He does not respect you or your order.”

This made Lord Wernick very sad, He knew that Brian was a good and honest player who played hard but fair. And so he worked into the night, trying to find some way to rescue Brian, but the law was the law and he could not. Then when all hope seemed lost he hit upon an idea, “What if I make it like a metaphorical, Lions Den! What if I like set him the task of FT’ing the GUKPT grand final at the Vic or something.

That’s a Lions Den of poker players and if he fails I’ll kill him or stop him playing or I dunno make him work as a valet at the Broadway with Danno and his dreamcoat as the boss, something proper grim”And Lo the Jealous Players where at first angered that he was not to be feed to the real Lions at the West Midlands Safari park but they also knew he had slim to no chance of making it through 300 hundred or so players of this class, so were not to gutted. On the occasion of the GUKPT grand Final Day 1A Lord Wernicks men pushed Brian into the Lions Den of the Vic, and Lord Wernick did say “May your numeric ability, hand reading and analysis of your own game save you!”. That night Lord Wernick could not sleep and he was on the APOP and Blande forums every ten minutes asking for an update. The next morning he was delighted to see that Brian has survived the Lions Den, with a stack just a little under the average.And so after a rest day Brian returned and just as on Day 1A, Day 2 proper started with Lord Wernicks men pushing Brian into the Lions Den of the Vic, and Lord Wernick did say again “May your numeric ability, hand reading and analysis of your own game save you!”

That day Brian survived numerous all in’s and to the relieve of Lord Wernick and the chagrin of the Jealous players he made the final table as a small stack but had made sure he would not be eaten alive by real Lions or even worse be Danny's beyatch at the Broadway.When Brian was finally pulled from the glare and lights of the Channel 4 camera’s with an impressive 5th place finish and a nice little earner Lord Wernick did demand the jealous players where brought before him. He immediately banished them from all the Card rooms in the land and all online rooms (except for Absolute).Lord Wernick then proclaimed “Greetings, people of all nations, races, and languages!I, Lord Wernick, decree that all people everywhere should honor and fear the Texts that Carlos serves so faithfully, David Sklansky’s Theory of poker and to a slightly lesser extent as its showing its age Doyle Brunson’s Super System, but stay away from anything written by Hellmuth, for it be shite”